Meh...Mm day. Boringgg...
Do you think pple look diff as they grow older?
Act differently...
wana be different?

At this pt in time,
i just wana throw all the old things away.
Quit playing wow,
delete my old hp number, move house...
Just be different..


My fren thinks i'm having a mid life crisis.
Lol, and maybe i am.
if i aint with you, maybe things would be so much different.

mm...summer's quickly approaching, and it feels like singapore all over again. Time's like these i wish i was in singapore, since the weather's the same, the food tastes bland and overtly expensive...wat else is there here i would greatly miss?

prob my friends if it boils down to it, but...as jer said, what friends?

lol...addicted to wow, just because its a really neat game with 3D graphics...actually i'm more into it for the fact that it makes u think your useful once in a while.

might sound lame but...being able to help 39 other people along, hell...y not.
also, nubz thinks that it'ii be for the better if i participate more in the raids.
but...on a personal note, its not top on my priority list.

Now, i'm lvling my druid bear/cat/seal otter form...cute though....

been raving to get out abit more for the fresh air and get some exercise done, cos my back's acting up again. but...if i cant even go out for lunch at the office, what makes me think that i would willingly sacrifice my time to get out? haha....

still, had a great walk the other day through the park...rather all by my lonesome self. felt great though...wana go trekking again...

got off the tram even though, obviously the tiks valid til 2am... just walked home from there on.

me...in the office.... zzz...

bugger...

fell down the other day.
not in a hilarious way, but was in a pretty good mood cos my colleague said i did a pretty good job coping at work. (everyone's out of country cept for me and him)...
But yea...i tripped and fell...
hurt my elbow...


had 1-2 stitches cos it kinda...went pwat!
but...other wise, its mostly skin loss which is pretty decent...

at least...at the end of it, i'm still fine and standing.

went straight back to work after this. -_- just like my first day of work, where i fell of my bike n broke my toothie~....

another time another day...

The Old Mm: aging with time...

Should be more matured now...but. Lmao~

Been playing WoW for a bit... addiction level has moderated.
Even now, Enz plays for me...not that i have anything agst playing, but i guess having time for myself is good.



Eyeballed:
pple generally like to read about themselves.

For the better or for the worse, a comment, an insult...
the thought of being noticed, desired, wanted.

curiously, the days been passing rapidly.

for now, the only uncertainty would be the pending decisions:

1. decision to return to lala land. so familar, yet so foreign- could vaguely remember the names of buildings, places, areas...a place i spent 19 years of my life in...

2. PR pending, with an english exam heading up- need an average of 7/10...well, its not going to be a breeze but as far as i'm concerned, hopefully things will be smoothly overcomed.

3. Jobs- journalism, advertising, graphic design... courses to be taken, paths to be made...
unsure at this pt where exactly i would be headed, but at least i believe this would be the field my interest lies...

4. Music- songwriting has come to a halting stop. full-stopped. Our band has crumpled due to the timing, differences and well, money issues (didnt want to argue bout money, its all yours seriously. its more for the fun...and we were happy once...fung, kwan and mike, i'm cool with it. no need to bitch bout each other behind... truthfully, that email made we wonder whats the focus of it all, so i'm out. ^^)

5. Lifestyle changes - been here 5 years? has it really been that long?... and grateful for the wonderful frenz i've had, made and kept. friends whom i have lost due to them graduating, leaving, returning...and friends to come, make, befriend...


Choices. isnt it a bitch of a decision?

Concerns. Many many many.

You. For now there's only one.

Gaming. FTW.

Melbourne. Cold Hot Cold.

Time. Tight. undesireable. wasteful.

Me. Dreamer. Unpractical. Bite me.

everything comes down to 1 week.

1 week for an answer...
1 week to figure out about cat...
1 week to my birthday...
1 week to find out who/ what i really wan...
1 week to forget about you...




~pity like a fool, when the fool cant see the road ahead...

The Wanderful Princess Mm: Cruzied Mean-andering Full of a Womb-man


things that come naturally where others don't....

Mm.

A loving name coined by some of my closest friends.
but frens do drift, and to you guys I've outlived my importance for now....

Things even you never knew bout Mm... aka "the princess is speaking":

1. I get bored easily...almost ADD in nature...."sorry wat did you say again"?

2. Frends made are frends to keep...even if we just met, the moment we smiled, we were meant to be.

3. My bestie, is my closest fren not by default but becos you have become the most impt person in my life despite the distance and not talking to you a year on end...

4. Feelings.... fuelled solely on them. Driven and motivated in many ways.

5. Secret kleptomanic. tiny little glitter stuff thats for the birds...
- stole as a kiddy frm the bookstore...never caught...
-like shiny things...but not too shiny...
-horder...never give up little stuff that means nothing to anyone, but everything to me.

6. Generally on a happy spree...living day by day. Dislike being nagged at, but would try to please.

7. Wants a dog but falling in love with kitty... a lover for animals. (NOT insects)
- when young was bitten on the face by a cat, lied to mom that it was a fall...had to undergo a life-changing butt injecting experience.
- bitten by my bro's pet silky on the 3rd finger.... up yours Maxie!

8. Just want to travel and explore places with beautiful sceneries... climb, shimmey, laugh and roll....watever it takes.
- where I met my bf. On a mountain, on the way down (falling down), when a guy caught my hand (dont be mistaken) and another imp of a man screamed "DAMN IT! let her go!!...
-had the greatest of laughs when there was ABSOLUTELY nothing but barren sand and billowing puffed up clouds that promised never to rain...
-watched a kanga jump and bashed into a fren's car... and her little joey flung out and smashed to the grd. both died...not instantly, but eventually.

9. Spontaneous and crazed....
- can pack in under a few hrs...but a perpetual mess. Anytime anywhere...just pack and go.


10. New Things...Dislike redundant things... calculation, starring at numbers, repetitive stuff...
- want to be a writer, creative drawer, a what-not fashion crazed guru (eccentric not mainstream), music composer F-T...
-attracted to colour and sound...anything brilliant and vibrant. Just like a magpie is to silver...


= Overall...very uninteresting but will do anything for ya, if your impt!

the frog in hot water theory...

cooking in boiling hot water, with the chance of survival at 99%

cooking in cold - warm- hot- boiling water, with the chance of survival at 1%.

= 100%

Death comes swiftly especially when you dont notice the factors that would tell you otherwise.


Wish list:

- watching Final destination 3
- getting more mp3 that i like
- watching ice age 2
- noeing that the people who are good to me are looked after
-see my mommie soon
- craves for hokkien noodles NYJC style!
- chilli ikan billis fried with peanuts from our lovely hanni
- get well quick (nearly fainted this morning...bad bad bad)
-get off flu medicine quick. making me feel wozzy.
- play my gigs without band squabbles. music.
- work getting better. no more measuring of garments! NO MORE!
- bro getting out of school (finally) and getting a job
- saving up for my masters in commerce
-getting into my masters. H2b av, but...
- finding out whether i need a letter from my employer to prove the 1 year for masters
- making more friends who would be there for me.
- renewing my faith. sorry...
- reading the bible from cover to end, and rem words of wisdom
- get my dream dress...the one i saw was torn. damn it.
-work out to be healthier. will get out of the woozy feeling
- no more OT at work... (like real)
- go back sg and get into satchi and satchi -_-


Reality Check:

* good job and good colleagues (except for the ocassional raised voices and pushing of excuses)
* healthy as in never been to a hospital, except to be part of staff
*god-blessed...how many pple do you noe can fall off the bike from 1.6m and not be impaled or break a hand? (only a broken tooth and really brusied hand)
*played my gig for as long as i could without succumbing to wat tears a group up...
*getting a decent lifestyle while waiting for PR
*living comfortably in my little nest


wat else can i ask for? maybe a wish list is a want list that you just rattle on about.
totally unnecessary.
yet... so temptingly desireable.

wat do i desire?

time passes when your having fun...
been the most relaxed, uncaring months these days...

work has sped up and i have coped, survived and lived to tell the tales of ghosts and gales...

now, to get back on the highway.
packed my bags and out i'ii go....

back to the sunny isles of singapore.
wish i could go... M... miss you babe...

dunno how fast time flies... ya still alwaz here in my mind ah.
so dun worry, i'm not too far, if there's any prob, you could alwas call me.
missing singapore terribly, but i seem to have fallen for melbourne too.

The luxury of being all alone, and yet not alone.
meeting friends and un-meeting friends whom i have not seen in the longest time.
loving to hate life that seems marvellously horrid at first...
all working out in the end for the best.

Gorgeous as the days might be,
sometimes being a push over is horrible.
getting remarks like, your tooOOoo naive...
how can you believe that!?...

hope hope hope hope that things would change.
better job prospects, if not learn more from my job.



Love life, live life. choose life.

Expectations...
Fulfilment...
the future...

the easter camp came and went as quick as the easter bunny would have hidden his eggs.

day 1:

Had an easter egg given to me, that was boiled and soaked (i believe) in colored egg (its a real egg), where being the hungry me who craved for food esp when i wake... i ate it, and ended up with blue fingers, a blue mouth, a blue tongue, and blue intestines....

Proceeded on in the bus (sat alone...til i dragged lio and cal over) happily lalala-ing~ away.
Armed with a guitar (used to belong to me, but cal decided he wanted to keep it, as he felt a connection ...talk bout inanimate relationships...) and limited scores, we sang and annoyed the driver to no end.

Reached the camp site, and was thrusted into an unfamiliar yet common surrounding, which...come to think of it, would be the 4-5 time in just over 3 years.

Queued up and waited for our names to be called, although the limit they set was from A-F and N-Z. (wat the...i'm an M)... shuffled and pushed from one queue to another...until we were registered!

Had the luxury of a 4 bunk room, instead of the 20-20-20 rooms with 3 by 3 bathrooms...i felt i was in heaven....

Left the campsite briefly, (ONLY due to circumstances, as we were warned in our "camp passports" that it was STRICTLY frowned upon if you went out of camp, or into the sea... which had many many many jellyfish....talk bout swimming with the enemy...)

DAY2:

activities started!
games and more games....
it was emaculately fun ^-^ esp when we did our cheers, right guys???!!

1. 2. 3.

YOUR SO FAT!
SO WAT?
SO FAT?
SO WAT?
SOOOOOSOOOOOO oFATTTT!!!

* note we're not being spastic, but...our team was called Sophat square.


DAY 3-4: simple summary...

lots of praise and worship lots of programs lots of food lots of washing up lots of packing lots of friends....

but, i kind of fell into a slumber-like state, feeling almost depressed.
Maybe cos i knew everyone was leaving and hated to part with friends.
Maybe cos what i initially set out to established was some how lost along the way.


Yet, i know that even if my faith doesnt hold, even if i occasionally stray far far far away...
he would love me unconditionally, as i love him too.

In my father's name. I hold you in my praises.

with life comes challenges,
with challenges comes intent.
with intent comes love,
with love comes devotion.

Just back from my easter camp trip and well, i'm still tripping on under-sleep and over-eating.
For once, a camp that had plentiful food and much much more. thanks to my CG who had an endless supply of food.

One thing i've gained during that time is a little verse...

Psalm 28:

"to you, O lord, I call;
my rock be not deaf to me,
lest , if you be silent to me,
i become like those who go down the pit.
....

Blessed be the lord!...my strength and shield;
in him my heart trusts, and i am helped;
my heart exults,
and with my song i give thanks to him."

been a long and crazy date. with flu and fever and many unidentified problem.
and it ended with a big bang.
Fell down smack flat. broke my tooth in half, scratched my face, and have a swollen thumb the size of a ping pong ball. No jokes there.
Swollen is the joint that got bitten by the dry earth.
Cracked and gone is the tooth that tried to be as one with this earth.
Still in tact but not going anywhere is the brain that could have been smashed...

sometimes i wonder if i'm lucky or plainly unlucky.
but the thing i noe is that i thanked god that nothing else went wrong.
puzzles me too.
but my faith is growing.
for all i've done wrong, prob this is like a payment of kind.
to atone for whatever i've done, will do and have to do in future.


the song that flooded my mind as i got on my fateful bike on the way backwith a swollen hand...
~DooO DDooo DOoo DOooo...Be Happy...

Stuck in a dead job, but at least there's friends to be reckon.
For such a big retail store, you would wonder why they would only have, get this, 11 recovery staff for the whole entire store.
Had andy ask us yesterday, if your free help out at toys. yar. right. we did eventually, without trying to dodge behind walls, the usual acts of reluctant workers.

Maybe I'm getting too old really. All my colleagues are either married, getting there or gay. On a serious note, their all my age.

Recommended age of marriage when i was 10: 26
Recommended age of marriage in my mind: 28-30.
Recommended age to have kids:30-32.
Being forced to stay home as a housewife: Never
Killing my husband for straying while i'm having a kid: Priceless

Something's money come buy, for others...they come with a tag which you put on it after the items sold.

Expandable value i call it.

Been a long while since i last blog.
It amazes me that my english hasnt depreciated with value, as did my life value.
Hopefully i get the job on wed as the billigual writer. although i remain highly concern at the fact that my chinese is crap and i cant write chinese without the software njstar.


Problem 1 to cross: stop being a prissy about things. People if they want to publish their nude photos are free to do that. only thing they should be worried, to catch a cold, stalkers and errie stuff that go BUMP in the night.
They would not have a care about: Bad reputation as any reputation is a good one. People who bad mouth them, as if they were ever spoke of only goes to show that people have thought and considered them prior to that.

On another note, my honey's gone back to brissy...
Why why why didnt you consider a defacto w me? haha. arent you the popular one.
But, like we've said, it was a dog year when we met (12 years old) and a dog year once again (24years).
Time flies when you've having fun.
Had cookouts at my place and seriously seriously YUmmy food.
Nasi Lemak, Pineapple rice, bak kut teh...wat cant this woman cook.

****

Life at this point seems : Bleak
Mood: Tired and alittle uncompassionate, but trying.

Btw, princess and the pauper (piper) are Sooo Cute!
am i a sucker for animals...
Will load pictures soon.

fell....into a thorn bush. not sure if its poisonous or not but my wounds are swollen and painful.
hate....liars and ex-lovers.
reprise....myself for being silly and naive in many many many thing.
love....the people who stay by myside when i'm all alone.
unable....to stand on my two feet when everything seem too bleary
strength.....with devotion to what i strongly believe in
forgive....me father, for i've not been there
here....if you can see me

Life goes on and on and on. Cyclical and redundant. gotten myself into alot of mess.
maybe things will clear up soon.
spending money faster then i can earn it.
^-^
lots of Lovely clothes.
gotten into that O' so feminine mode.

Love those dresses that has laces and are corset like.
Looking after my friend's pup and baby kitten.

New Year Resolution:
to not give up so easily over matters i hold close to heart
to be happy all and by myself
to make more friends -_- as its habitual for me to shy away.
to speak up when i'm not happy -_- another big obstacle.

LAstly! to love all the things that make me happy!! my art, jewellery-making, cakes....
OOoOHhhh there's cheese cake in the fridge...
Home-made ^-^

another day out lived and faded as quickly as they came. Somehow things been running around me, and yet i never seem to have time to do anything properly. Friendships, would-be-relationships, homework, life in general. Yadayada. all seems rubbish at this point in time.
Time to prioritize what i want exactly.
Yet, i cant return back to singapore anywhere soon, just because i have to get PR in order to stay in mellyland.
What's so great about here?
been wondering that for the past 3/1/2 years, and i can safely say, its because it feels like home now.
Yah. here's my home, because of the time and the laughter and the sadness all spent out here.
My friends, love and hate, all lived out down under.

Although i must say that sometimes i dun seem to fit in, culturally that would be, where you would have to reiterate what you just said because people cant understand your accent, but most of the time i simply love it here.
Besides the fact that in singapore, i have my 24-7 chee chong fan, chicken rice, roti prata with sugar and curry...OooOOoo yes, i do believe maybe i would like to settle here.
Been to Sydney over the last week i think, was kinda broke as usual but it went well. Turned out to be an eating expedition rather then the climbing and trekking ones i fancy. But we ate at the Rocks' Pancake parlour (Yumm!) they had savoury and sweet pancakes, which were so gorgeous, (although when i got back i had to work extra harder in the gym) but... apparently the choco pancakes were actually using cake mix to create that fluffy thickness, topped off with the beautiful blueberry sauce and home-made icecream, this was a treat.

Then on we went to Bills cafe, where the upside down pancake with pear...was YUM. as well as the corn fritters. should really get some photos up, prob on friendster. But, the corn fritters were like baked patty cakes that were crispy and yet not so sickeningly sweet. and the pear....
ok ok . given my track record for only eating one meal aday, i was surprised that i could actually stomach everything, probably cause we were walking all over the place, and we got up at 11am (or rather i did, for a suntan at the swimming pool below our hotel). The trip was pretty much fulfilled i reckon.

The last dining place that struck me as gorgeous was kylie kuangs. Not that i'm a fan of her tv show, although S insists her mom would be so jealous noeing that her daughter has eaten there. But, boy is the restaurant DUA PAI. we actually went back twice, after missing the first nite's dining experience due to sheer lateness ( 8pm was considered too late, and a no-no to be seated....last serves were at 9+ and...the rest was history). The next night, we were there by 7pm, and were told, dinner seats would prob be available at 8.30.... So off we hauled to a pub, where...check this out, i used S's IC cause i didnt possess a driving license and she used her driver's permit to enter. It was hilarious, and i'm no excitement seeker but that was one intense moment.

Bouncer: 'Cuse me, let me see some ID.
Me: (mutters) Sure. [glances at S and K nervously]
Bouncer: Hm.....Hmm... [looks at the rest, especially eyeballing S]
Me: (under my breathe) Die Die Die...
Bouncer: Hm...looks like you've grown your hair long.

Simplicity in a nutshell. I swear i had brought my IC, only prob was cause of our dressing for the night out later, i hadnt brought my wallet, only my little itty bitty pouch. o.O
But...the guys got hung on this cute guy behind the bar, while i spent my time gazing through the cocktail menus. There was this drink that struck me as exotic. it was something blush...but it had squashed lemons, lime and strawberries inside, topped with vodka i think.
that was a girly drink, and it looked really pretty. but all things aside, when we went back after the one half hr wait, ...we waited half more. Just because, and only because they didnt have enough seats.

Reputation wise, i'ii give the place 100% for being solid bout not admiting people.
Service wise another 100% for trying at least to meet the clients needs and the weird salad for their apologizes.
Food wise...100%, because i was Soo hungry, i couldnt really tell how wonderful the food were, only that the san choy bao (lettuce wrapped mushroom minced meat thingy ) was gorgeous and so was the tangerine duck.

Other then these...its 0% for their Dua Pai ness.... Really really Dua Pai.
But thats what a business can do and what it will.
Eventually i'ii set up my own little cafe. One can only be hopeful at this point.


~Someday we will be who we desire to be.~
*the bluest cloud is you - album by Mariel.W (in the works)*

another beautiful hol dispensed with. thinking about lots of things lately, some i've done, have not done, would not and simply could not have accomplished.
Things are good lately, regular / NOT gigs at chilli padi, and the occasional perks like the sydney trip where we spent quality time, just the meanies and me... well. its been a while i must say. You guys... YOu guys, mean the world to me.
Maybe i've just gotten distant because i've closed up emotionally, not that i dun have pple who care, (once again thanks for coming over for my birthdae steam boat...considering it was so last min...you guys rule!) and of cos the meanie gang. you guys, also rule. had the greatest time, of cos minus K's constant farting and S's squealing from getting "molested" by her hubby....i am in no position to comment -_-. Just tt L and me, we had the quietest and most peaceful sleep side by side, aint i right? luv yar girls.
wish i could go back sg when the end of the year rolls round, when everyone's gone and left me behind with my brother. So sad. but then i guess you'ii all come back soon i hope.
then my PR is another worry. wat if i cant get it?
watever the case, i'm sure, if i put my heart and mind to it, it'ii work out. Though i cant say much bout relationships. aint we all happier the way we are? just being ourselves? happy and free?

~the bluest cloud is you...

"for now, i hold my peace and hope that at least everything i believe and hold close to heart will not be broken once again...like the cheap fragile pieces of a cracked china".

another dae washes over.
tmw...rather todae.
i have the start of my 3 days internship.
pathetic...

dun feel like going.
its 2am,
i'm having an incredibly horrid stomach rebellion. prob stomach flu.
and, its been like this for a few days.
today...we did 2 movies.
the best shows i've watched in ages.

1. The assassination of Richard nixon...

Sean Penn...he is and always have been one of my fav actors, besides johnny depp that is.
brilliant in the portrayal of a mentally disturbed individual who refuses to lie or do anything that would constitute a lie.
in fact, he concludes, life is a big fat lie, and only the liars become the toppers.
the others, like him, remain at the pits,
trampled and spat upon. that all our rights are taken away,
that even being white (in his context, for i'm technically yellow),
he was effectively black. (no offense, but ttz wat he said).
and he actually suggested that the whites and blacks should work together,
to gather support against the rich, white, cadillac driving bastards of society,
and together, they would be called...the Zebras.

sounds almost time for a michael jackson's song *i'm black...i'm white...it doesnt matter if i'm black or white*~

but one thing i dun get.
his character, samuel Bikes (not sure if spelt it correct, but i caught the Bike- pronounced as Biggs...- from the tyre company his bro owned).
i reckon his jew cause i thought his bro was wearing the jewish cap.

yar...back to the thing i didnt get.
why, if in his words that we as people should never let another talk down to us, to belittle us,
savagely shoot and kill the airport pple?
and, he wrote to leonardo bernstein, who i believe is an orchestra conductor,
narrating and relating the reasons for his attempted assassination, which ended in a hijacked plane...
why, why, would he harm people if he was brought up on the belief that lying, and being belittled for his achievements was bad?

S says its cause of his state of mind, well... i guess i could give him credit for that.
but between you and me.
hurting others, killing others, does not constitute in a god given right.
deliberately taking away another's life by force is down right unforgiveable.

still remember the chilling scene of him pointing the gun at the guy with the car leak, and then at his friend bonny (again, not too sure bout the name).
and the other one, pointed at the groin of his ex boss under the table.
maybe, maybe...when a man reaches rock bottom, with separated wife, becoming Divorced wife...
no kids... (AND he shot the dog -_- Sobz...WHY?)
bro disowns him ...
no job. rejected for loan...all climaxed to his grand finale.
Just so that he would be remembered in future.

But sadly, even at the end,
the people important to him simply walked past the tv,
past the news of him hijacking and being killed in the process...
past the last heroic gesture of defiance against the world.

*we are but grains of sand...*
i do so agree.

the second movie...wow...how can i say? it was SUPER disjointed, but still a rather enjoyable ride.
2. Wong ka wai's 2046.

it was suppose to be a movie within a movie, i reckon.
tony leung (you...became old, but Oo so sexy still),
and zhang zi yi (as much as i dislike the fact tt you took over gong li, one of my fav actresses place, You are Hot...in this movie...)
this two...had well, a sizzling relationship where they basically flirted with disaster.
Although one thing i also didnt get in this movie.
WHY? why the reference to singapore? singapore, our small dot of a home country,
not that i don't love singapore, but...talking about gambling and prostitution and little malay men wearing sarong, is that what singapore is all about?

no... singapore is more than that. definitely. because i was born and bred there.

the show...well i loved it.
in true wong kar wai style.
brilliant!

my fav is still chung king express...
but, anything w tony, maggi, gong li, zhang zi yi, carina lau ...is a star studded cast.

Good stuff.

time now ticks quickly.
went to smith todae, got myself a nice nike thermal vest.
baby blue,
just the way i like it.
dinner at boba.
ate nasi lemak w curry and chai tao quay.

not in the best of moods lately.
sick and out. washed out rather.
weary now.
trying to be positive about everything,
my laughs, my smiles have diminished.
falling back in routine,
a nasty feeling ttz returning to tear me.

i want to talk to you face to face.
that you can see me for who i am
that you will know that i can feel and i'm can hurt.
but then its part of the phase.
you know it, as i do.
something pls. i'm trying.

even if i were to tell you how much i truly felt,
can you feel it?
can you understand?

you who are so impt to me.
you want to be free, thats what you have.
maybe its just me and my sentimentality.
maybe its just me once again.

i'ii leave you alone,
concentrating on what you want to do,
because i know you never want to lose, never want to fall short of that goal you set.
and i wish you all the best, and all my love.

on a more pleasant note,
things will get better soon.
with the band forming and playing for the first time.
and the trip thats going to happen soon.
it'ii get better,
even if your not here.
when i need you,
although i'm alwaz here when you need me.
just ask, tell me.

too distracted to do my work, so here am i blogging again.
this whole week's been shitty. and i feel i'm drifting again.
mind cant whirl around fast enough.
1 more essay to go, 3000 and counting backwards.

things you might not know about me:

i hate being alone - but also that being alone becomes less lonely when your single with no attachment, but when your with someone, your mind keeps turning that way.

i dislike people who promise one thing and never carry it out.
For the last time, if i say i want it nulled, i want it nulled. stop avoiding the question. if what Riche says is true, it doesnt matter if i stay because you who condemn people are not worth any compliments.
So wat if B. B thinks i dun write well enough, so what if you say tt there's no chance in hell anyone would offer me a writing contract again. screw you. i just want out, even if no one else wants my songs. just because you cant tell the difference between pure emotions and professionalism.

your just superficial and that pisses me off.

ARGH.
and... one more thing.
i dislike, myself.
for not being as understanding as i would like to be.

and you.
why are you so sweet to me? i dun deserve it really.