its a thoughtful observation that men find women more desireable when they are non-responsive.
even when they have everything they could possible want.
booze,
a loving woman.
a comfy seat.
play station.
good friends.

and the list goes on and on.

in my experience,
i've had this guy bug me over a couple of weeks to be my friend, and i really dont know what to think.
is it my appearance that his interested?
my wit?
the way i write?

basically it all boils down to one question,
men want women they desire and once they get them,
its after another skirt and bye bye to you.

why love then if its that easy?
had the most hilarious experience the other day when i went to class.
my teacher marion (whom i've mistaken for over half a semester as my old creative writing teacher) mentioned the idea that diaries are kept in the hopes of being read.
now now...
this was drawn from a literature text written and based on a dream of the OLD queen elizabeth.
The most interesting thing was that it seemed, power was the main attraction,
not looks, not articulation, not eloquence.
in the dream, elizabeth was a fragile old woman in petticoat.
now that's weird.

for me,
the notion of love remains simple,
where as many a person, rather one person has continually wonder why love cannot be defined,
is complicately forward.
love is when you feel you want to protect someone dear to you.
love is when you want to be with the person, where upon opening your eyes the first person to make you smile would be him.
then again.
love could be the devotion to one person just because you can.

even i sometimes dont understand this notion of love.

went clubbing the other day and there were a bunch of guys who were basically fluttering around anybody who responded to them.
now, i've decided to remain as sobber as possible from now on.
haha...
and there was this particular guy that struck me as perculiar.
why is it that after numerously telling him no, (my friends had to resort to pushing him across the dance floor and telling him no, but, well he doesnt get it)
he still chooses to pester us?
i simply do not understand the concept.
is it because of the rejection factor?
or has too many books warrant the notion that if you fight for what you want, eventually you would get it?
-_- thats farniely creepy but i wouldnt even go there with a five foot pole.

as of today,
after so long.
it seems that i can stop writing my journal.
after 6 long years or rather a lifetime.
all my fears, my darkest secrets, my loves and fancies.
no more needing to rely on a book that was written for an audience but would be banished forever into secrecy.

i want to stop writing it anyway.
because then i can fully live my life, outside the realm of literature, ideology and hope.
now practically living and loving oneself would be more important.

i've decided from today,
i'ii do as i please. which i seem to have forgotten over time,
over trying to give everything to the one i love.
then expecting something back no matter how minutely i convince myself its nature would be,
the fact is that expecting often only harms the relationship and myself in the process.

have a beautiful flower pot in my room that has blossomed lovely.
red with orange stripes...
pretty pretty.
even i feel happy when i see it.

now back to my PS....