i do not like the unknown, but for now, it stirs my appetite.
wondering why it could not be easier just when we try so hard to make it simpler.
you said to take it slowly as love has basically evaporated,
returning momentarily when i do things right.
but here i am,
me.

i havent changed nor have become different,
but why is it i hurt inside,
like the gnawing of something insatiable,
that would not give up until it tears my very soul apart?

been reading the bible and attending sing-a-long sessions.
its uplifting.
want to be more actively involved in everything else,
and it has helped me lessen alot of problems.
things that i see as important,
things that i care alot about.

i'm no longer that little fat person,
too afraid of myself and others' opinions,
happy on the outside but crying on the inside.

i wish not to always be all smiles or all tears,
but to be me.
the happy me, happy for whatever reason,
just because you love me for me.

Waiting on our house rental,
for now, writing in to our housing agent to request for an extension.
so many things happening in my life,
and yet, often the minor things are important to me.
forgive me my friends,
because of me, i've let you all down.

but i do so love you.