Remembering what i told my friend yesterday who was listening to me bitch about my wretched life, he said," give yourself 2-3 weeks to adjust yourself" or at least something to that extent. i've never been a really practical person or a good listener due to my selective memory and listening, however, that struck a chord deep inside. Did i need 2-3 weeks to adjust or did i need the rest of my life. I had never really known what i felt deep down, or never let whatever i felt really come up because often once i said it, it loses its' meaning and i'm left feeling like a fool, that all those supposedly heartfelt feelings were but hogwash, hot air and bullshit. I could not feel, maybe because sometimes i get too caught up in my little world up in my head that i would neglect what others feel.
Every so often we want people to say the right word at the right time and yet when's the right time? Sometimes when some one says something that strikes me as insulting, bad timing and all, i would lash out. Not really with the intention to hurt, but at that moment in time all i can think of is that the person hurt me, hurt my pride, my ego and i would become blinded like a raging mad cow. Mooo... That's me in a nutshell. Too brash, too hot tempered and always trying convince myself that i am but not perfect. Maybe if i would stop doing that, or stop being reminded of my flaws, i might be able to live with myself once in awhile.
But for now, self-improvement is at the end of my list of to-do things. just been wondering if with a general arts degree, whether i would be able to do PR(public relations)? i really dont know but i guess that would be a good job to be in. Cause, with the choice of subjects and things i'm doing, i guess i'm on my way to doing a major in literature. For this arty-farty nut, maybe that's something i would enjoy doing for a change.
Nevertheless...life goes on, assignments reach their due dates and so the panicking starts...Now...Breathe in...time to start on my work and stop here...for now.