came across last nite something i wrote quite long ago...
let me re type wat i wrot, to all my dearest frenz.... bear w fuzzy old me...hehe

LIFE AS A NUTMEG: MURPHY"S LAW- WHAT WILL HAPPEN WILL HAPPEN

basically, bein who or what i am is of utmost importance to me. I like to have the freedom to self express and give my inteligent analysis on the origins of man.
and yet, who am i to beable to make the proclamation that this is truly what i want to be and who i aspire to become.
Sadly, we hardly ever make it to the point in time where we can gladly look back with a smile of satisfaction on our face and sigh in relief,
" this was who i wanted to be and i lived my life to the maximum."

within the competitive realm of our small country, we do have to self-improve inorder to keep the people around us off our backs.
Still, it is not that i do not enjoy studying in every sense of the word but instead to a certain extent, studying is neccesary and yet not exactly my cup of tea.
Precisely because of these incoherent and sort of messed up thoughts that whirlpool around in my mind.
Penning them down seems painful and tedious,
as in the midst of scribbling them all down on black and white paper, some thoughts disappear into hpertectical space.
then comes the difficult part,
attempting to remember what i cannot remember.



Ironically, i am a history student in my school and supposedly an A student in secondary.
my ass...
yet i am grabbling with my language as you can see right now as wwell as other major subjects such as economincs.


Many things happen around me,
some which i would gladly close one eye and try to forget..
But something's never fade and the more you try to forget, the more deeply imprinted it seems to be in your mind.
Ignoramus.
Dumb facts of life right?
however, in everything i do, at least at that very instance when i'm all caught up in doing it, i forget how illogical or irrational it might seem to other people.
Isn't it? mad world.
What makes you so sure those people locked away in the mental hospital are truly insane?
or do they do this to preserve their own sanity?
hah... nobody would ever know because nobody is brave enough to condemn society.
Even if they did, they would be thought as being psychotic.
There are times where i prefer to digress into my own self retreat,
that would be my room.
Not only does it seem to provide me with shelter and comfort of sorts where i can mournfully gather my thoughts together, inaddition,
it is my home.
yes.
The one i built up from scratch,
besides the mass of posters of skatrers or
" there are 6.3 b people eating right now",
folllowed by the picture of a woman relishing in her nibbling on a man's ear.
Sick right?
Yet who would have been so creative to design such an innovative and bold poster?
This little home i built has one in a million features.
Things i collected:
Teddies, sally from nightmare before christmas,
a dinosaur i bought from the discovery centre after whining at my mom nonstop for 4 hrs...
and a huge bull dog dad won in a dart game ( who had thought, pot-bellied men could aim so well. Besides, his far-sighted)



Many little memories lingering about.
Things i made, the sculputres i did during secondary four in art school
(Lasalle at that time sounded more of a pizza parlor than a famous art school)
Still, i spend my sleeping and studying hours there.
Otherwise, all in school.




Bad times have befallen
School no longer seems such a wonderful and peaceful place.
In secondary school, it was a place where i could drem all day.
I did not like going to school and yet i did not mind.
Sounds contradictory?
And yet, such goes the mind.
Food for thought? It was like a surreal and dreamy place.
No pressure... i felt free to be who i was and never once cared what others thought of me.
Really. Not now though.




Why is mankind never satisfied with what they have?
Probably it boils down to one question.
That is to be yourself.
What is being yourself, you might ask.
To speak the truth and tell your best of friend off for copying?
And yet, doesnt one do that on the sly?
"better tell a white lie then get into trouble"
once in your life time you must have had a similar thought.
Cannot deny the fact that a little white lie does outweigh all the difficult questioning and follow-up actions.
"Why didnt you tell me? What else are you hiding?"
this and that, that and this...