yet another day spent at home w bugger. not only has he gained 0.5kg but he seemed to have grown in size, width-wise. Maybe G and I shld really stop pampering him so much. sluggish little bugger, only willing to come to you if he believes you have food at hand. Really, he'ii sell his soul for food.

Anyway, his sleeping on my bed ontop of the sleeping bag that i have laid out for him, looking as angelic as possible in order to persuade me to bring him out for a jog and a walk.
all the work has been pouring in these few days, maybe coz i'm so last-min and lazy. but,...meh... i'ii do it all just intime, so no worries. no use worrying over nothing. waiting for G to come home to cook me a fab dinner. but norm, i'm the one who ends up cooking. though...hehe we both cant cook.tsk tsk. where's all the men when u need them? arent they the best of chefs while women are the best of housewives?

been digging through my drawers to find my black ink for my printer that had conked on me. Instead i found some old pictures that i had packed away awhile ago. there were pictures of my baby cousins audrey and gerard, prob at age 3. this year they should be going 5 i think. time flies doesnt it? been here for quite a while, and to think i nearly didnt want to come here. and there were other pictures, me and li on a vacation trip to ubin chalet...yah. fond memories. and last but not least, the pics i used to treasure so much, but now, hidden in the dust that had accumulated over the year, was the pic of fifi, my silky.

i really hate to think of her, coz most of the time, i end up crying. yes, i'm a crybaby, a softie...though i look tough ( rite S), but, she was all i had in those daes. Days of hard work on top of hard work, assignments and tutors all mixed together. i cringe at the thought of work. compared to work now...really...

she was a beauty. long legs, a lean body and the softest eyes you would ever see. if i could get a scanner, i would show u how she looked like. had her for a good 6 years and i must say that it had its ups and downs, when she was naughty and dad would holler across the house for me to smack her, when she would sit down next to us on the cold white marble floor and watch tv, when she would beg at the dinner table and i would sneak some beef and meat to her, together with my disgusting bittergourd... we had our times together.

when she was gone after that thunder nite, i spent endless nites sitting at the opposite bus stop trying to find her, wearing nothing but a pair of slippers and a pokka dotted sleeping gown. she never showed. some said that she had been made into doggy stew, or claypot as signified by the aroma of food flooding across the street from block 25, and some have said maybe she had just found another owner. whatever the case, i hope she really found a great owner, some one better then me, some one who treated her better.

she was my PSLE present for well...getting back into my old school. we had a balcony for her to run around so we rarely took her for walks. i used to talk to her on ends when i felt all depressed after a fairly horrible beating frm my old tutor, or after i quarrelled w my family or frens, she was always there, listening, licking my hand, making me feel that i was not alone. she was all i had. well...besides the 2 ducks called spotty and sunshine...and the turtle...but the pt was that, she was and will still be the best dog i had.

anyway, after waiting for her trying to put up posters to advertise for her return, which my mom promptly tore down for fear of craze pple, i met her. or rather i believed it was her. i was in such a state of mind that everywhere i went, everything i did, would turn to her. i was often in tears half the time and my temper only got worse. there was this old man , who was walking a dog that looked exactly like fifi, coz she was 6 by that time, a rather old dog. i didnt dare ask him whether that was his dog, and the words just hung on the tip of my tongue, unable to be formulated. i just slunk in the background as i followed him, until i saw him feed her w water from a mineral water bottle. i would never have thought of doing that for fifi ever, regardless of how much i loved her. i just was never that caring.

which made me realize that over these past 3-4 years, i have changed alot, so much that i dont seem to be me anymore. the girl smiling in the photo proudly carrying a dog that no longer is hers, seemed...so distant. that cant be me. maybe pple do change, for better or worse i dont know, but ... i noe i have changed plenty, so much that i could never change back to that girl who's smile was for everyone, where laughter and joy was all she wanted to noe, shutting out all the bad thing. now all i do is reminise on the bad things that have happen, always on hyper sensitive mode. is this part of growing up? i hope not.