One flew into the cuckoo’s nest


Softly, she typed at her keyboard. Her fingers smoothly ran across the vaguely visible pad in the dark. The deafening silence within her room that enclosed onto her, made her feel suffocated. She paused and pondered for a while, as she looked through red and puffy eyes. She pouted, as she pressed down hard on the delete button. That was her story. The story of who or what she was, or stood for. The part of which she could never relate to her family or most people who did not know her, or could not see the person she wanted to become. Expectations were what kept her going, and yet, slowly tore her from the very shreds of her being. She could not, become. Change was never easy.

Her parents just gave her another lashing of a lifetime, or rather, she felt deeply about what happened. After a more than free life overseas for a year, the present reality presented to her was hard to accept. She picked up another cigarette which she clasped tightly between her lips, without lighting. No harm would be done this way. She had tried to explain to her parents her intentions, proclaiming her innocence, yet… Her mind was foggy and she did not know what to think. All her life, she always tried her best to believe that she could be the one who made her parents nod in pride, that if she tried, she would probably only miss her mark by a bit. But.

The many failings in her life had not made her into a better person, rather hardened and shrewd. As she gazed out through her half-drawn shutters, the rising sun’s rays began to cast its’ shadowy glow on the ground. With eyes closed, she tried to think back to the time when she was truly happy. Images of her life-long partner were what she could picture. Happy memories that had started not too long ago. Her parents… They meant the world to her, and yet she could not express or spare them the luxury of time. In the world where time hardly met, she was stuck in no-man’s-land as she struggled to adjust the limited time she had at hand. The sudden outburst that had seized her this morning when she could not defend herself from allegations she felt strongly against made her feel useless. Trash. Her sense of righteousness had dispelled as self-doubt flooded her consciousness after the argument she had with her father. Yes, it was father. Not dad, not pa, not anything else. That is, not just yet. The outer trappings that she kept up in defense of the vulnerable being that she was, seemed useless and penetrable. Nothing that she had ever done had satisfied her parents. She was hurt. Definitely.